HOUSING SHIT

 Bloody woman is an idiot - it seems I will be blocked at the first hurdle.

It's very unfair to assume I have a smart phone or tablet. But at least I do have the latter.

It's also unfair I should be blocked because I declared having accounts in VN when I could have huge savings undeclared and they would never know unless I told them. They might be able to find UK accounts by a search - but not those overseas.

This was always a hiding to nothing, Just a rigmarole I have to go thru. Ann and Andrew naively think the system works - but it's broken or rather rigged. There are some few people able to access the help they need - but the vast majority of us are left to struggle. It's policy.

OK DAY - MAYBE

 Game with Han - I won but that makes little difference.

TESCO - bought a lot of stuff.

The wok is not great - losing it's non stick already - I think it's my fault. It will do for a while maybe. It only cost £6.40 which is not that much really - not here.

Other stuff is all useful food stuff. I will be good for a month or more in many areas.

Can't buy too many vegetables too early.

I HATE the abbreviations of carbohydrates and vegetables. Irrational maybe. OCD again? Always was off and on.

 

All I ate today was a massive stir fry. tempeh, blackberries and some chia pudding.

 

Then a little chocolate and cocao nibs. Pretty low carbohydrates. 

 

Did not feel hungry even when cooking.  Just as they say.

 

OMAD is helping a lot.

Will NOT take their bloody drugs - NEVER. 

 

Nucking Furses and Ducking Foctors. They know so little - studying does make you stupid - see the ROK and medicos for examples. Orthodoxy sux,

 

Loving ACVW - a bit too much maybe. Careful on the teeth.

EAT THE RICH?

 We need to 'Eat the rich'. 

We need to seize their wealth and assets and use it for the common good.

The myths they create jobs or their wealth somehow trickles down is long busted.

What measures could be implemented? This is hard, I'll admit.

Land is key. It should be nationalised.

Rich people can lease it back if they can make money from it. So these grouse moors and dear parks should revert to the state.

Of course, we need a state that in no way resembles what we currently have. But that's a given.

Houses and so on should be taxed heavily. Everyone should have the right to about 100m2 of living space untaxed [and possibly rent free?]. 

Above that, taxes should be levied. This would force large mansions to be 'useful' and if unable to pay taxes the rich's property should revert to the state, which can use it for many purposes benefiting society.

As for investments. shares etc? I don't actually like this way of raising funds.

I would have a state body allocate funding for major projects. 

I favour free enterprise for small business, with minimal regulations, levies, etc. And state capitalism for everything big. This is a no brainer really.

POSH BASTARDS

 I'm not a fan of posh gits. I try to tolerate them, but mostly I want them to die out.

When I first arrived here the posh sobs got on my nerves. I never much liked the local yokels either.

I don't like the human race very much. Living abroad we do not get that issue as the cues are invisible to us.

I really want to go back to Vietnam at some point. Though it will be difficult and stuff must change first.

Maybe I will die before I can go back. But that is what I want - go back, do what I can to use my skills and ability then die before too long.....I'm tired of this shit. Really I am.

It's hard to converse with Ann as she is so far away from me on this. She thinks posh people are better in some way. 

Some of course are, and some are not. I judge people on their merits not birth. And that I hate about here is that things so often work in the opposite direction.

Key is zero engagement. Let her talk. She prefers to talk not converse. She seems incapable of learning new things.

 

OK. We are not friends at all. I am grateful but will not share her views. They're pure prejudices.

As for Andrew, well a man destroyed by his work. Unable to see the world clearly. Easier to ignore his BS because he is innately shy and quiet.

WEARY

 Yep - 12 hour days are tiring. It was not so bad but it is long.

Accomplished little really. Talked to a new person who is nice. Ophelia from the Philippines.

Cannot summon the willpower to do anything about the housing issue. I don't believe it will work anyway - just have to try.

Have Minh today. That'll be something positive.

 

I want to place another Varusteleka order. Fancy another coat to take the wear off my gore tex one. It has weird white crumbs from a seam... and is not super waterproof either.

 

Maybe next month.

 

I want a Thai massage. It will help my back pain and be pleasant. £50 though. We'll see how we stand in a few weeks.

 

PROGRESS??

 Now have 30 hours a week at TESCOS. 

 

Is this good? 

1. It's more money. 
2. I meet more people - most are nice...
   
3. I have less time to kill.

But the negatives...

1.  It is tiring..
2. It is boring..
3. It is never going to be enough..I'd need around 50 hours a week to live on..
4. Some of the people are not so nice
   
5. The customers are often rich feckers who are buying stuff I will never be able to ..

 

So - is it actually progress? No. But it may be a detour I have to take.

 

Reculer pour mieux avancer...

 09/9/2021

 

Another day dawns. Looks ok. Dry - cooler.

 

I feel better than some days. Yesterday was a low one.

 

I hope this workshop will be some use - it clashes with the cleaner coming and stops me going to aikido.Which I did not want to do except to help clean anyway. I'm curious to meet Rose but another time maybe.

I should try to figure a way to let Esme clean in here - maybe 4:30 or later - I could ask her to do it last then reset when I get in. Probly best option.

I can clean myself but I do not do it so well.

My ankle has been sore - not had that for a while. I must have done something to it yesterday. The apples perhaps. should buy a bandage or support - more expense...

Fun game with Han. She might win - which is good. Gotta let them win sometimes - without letting them win. Maybe Loi can win too - if he can stop farming too much.

I will try to figure out how to play Britannia. It's 3-5 hours long. 2 x 3 hour sessions would do I guess - 3 players.

 

Need more 2 player games to play with Han. She has the time and motivation.

Nice girl - no more than basically attractive though...endomorphs never are my thing. Like blondes...just don't grab me.

THINGS I HATE ABOUT HERE...

 This could be long...

1. I hate how people look - few are pleasant looking and almost no women are attractive. Too many freaks. 
2. I hate how they sound. It's not charming. It's grating.
3. Everything is too expensive.
4. It's cold and will get worse.
5. The political shitshow is worse when it is less remote. 
6. People are disinformed - this is worse than the uninformed VN situation. If you don't know you can learn - but the disinformed know for sure stuff that just ain't so.
7. I am lonely and have no friends - but do not want to be friends with the people I see around.
   

A NEW MONTH...

 Well. September.

Waiting for the doctor to call.

I have my list.

Main thing is diabetes tests. 

Moles too. They may be a way in. 

Mood has been very low. I need CBT and to join a group for therapy maybe. I cannot pay though. There is a mindfulness course - but £200 for 8 sessions is impossible.

Trying to get help from various people with no use at all. Lilli wants to offer practical help. Which is not any use. Tien never engages - she is self absorbed. I accept that.

Sharmin is no use either - very fragile herself.

I don't think I can do more right now. 

Having a job to do that makes me go out and move around is the best I can manage. Some kind of social life would also help.

I love to play games and enjoy the banter. It's the best thing I can do.

Step by step. There is no avoiding the grieving process. It is what it is as they say.

I need someone to say - it's ok - this is normal. Nothing is your fault. It will pass.

I guess I have to tell myself that as much as possible. Nobody else gets it.

GRUMBLING ALONG....

 Thursday - a day with a lot of moving parts.

I have to leave for TESCOS at 4.45pm. It's too early but I don't want to be late.

I have to do something about the uniform - it's too small. 

I need more gloves - 3 pairs more?

I'd prefer the casual trousers - size 36R? So try to swap the 'smart ones' for that.

Esme [sp?] is coming - I want her to finish in here by 430pm so I can get changed and square everything up.

I have a game arranged with Loi at 1pm. I need that.

I have to eat - my lunch is ready. I can make a sandwich at 4pm. Esme will be done in the kitchen by then.

It all seems a bit much - but in truth it's just m state of mind. Difficult to do simple things...

From my iPad.

Trying to figure out how to log in. The idea is to be able to post from my iPad and from my iMac and maybe from my MacBook too.

But it's not easy to work out what to do.

Anyway - did 2nd TESCOS shift - it's not pleasant but the people are nice and the work is stress free. Just worry about my hands and it is physically quite tough. 

The second is probably a good thing, as the activity will be a positive.

I want to ask about my hands and whether the pain is making it worse in the long run.

Ann is kind of irritating about this. She can be if challenged on anything really. Must tread carefully on this and other things. She's not as bad as Andrew - who is bigoted really, but she is not open minded either. Tends to take sides in a way I dislike.

Back later.

Back to square one...

 So - here we are back where we started. Older, poorer, sicker and wiser? 

Trying to figure out what to do next and indeed why to do it. 

I wish I had a reason to want to be here. But so far zilch. I just don't like living here and never have. It has no appeal at all. 

 

As the saying goes, I'm not a dropout I was never in.

 

Anyway, I'll post from time to time and see how this goes.